


Are you (not) supposed to feel like that?

by indecisivemess



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Character, Asexual Han Jumin, Drunken Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25906114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivemess/pseuds/indecisivemess
Summary: It wasn't Jumin's fault that Jihyun was so stubborn. Nor that he so desperately ached for his company. The blind man seemed to be avoiding him, and it was not only due to the fact that he couldn't see him. The wine had been a refreshing new variable in the equation, but only because it had been his friend's suggestion it in the first place; in part, but not fully, because it gave V a reason to stay by his side for just a little bit longer.Until it stopped being okay.
Relationships: Han Jumin/V | Kim Jihyun
Comments: 15
Kudos: 35





	Are you (not) supposed to feel like that?

**Author's Note:**

> I planned on writing the biggest rant, but it will prolly be spoilers, so end notes if anyone is interested in that. That being said tho, I haven't played V's route yet, cuz I'm a broken college student with no time to exist, so he might be OOC. I apologize in advance for that. Because of that, please *NO spoilers for his route*, for the love of god. This is me just having fun exploring with these characters.
> 
> (Update: I went to check and there's exactly 4 fanfics with ace jumin. Guess who's about to change that through projection alone.)

\- Mr. Han, are you sure you don’t want me to accompany you home?

Jumin took a second to process her words, trying his best to look composed and indifferent.

\- Yes, I’m sure – he managed to say, his whole body feeling like it was wrapped in plastic. – Inform driver Kim of my departure.

His shoes felt heavy. Why did they feel so heavy. He had only tasted some wine here and there. Yes, it probably had been a bit too much, considering the different companies that had attended and all of their friendly samples, but he needed to ensure that business with them would be solid after this party was over, so he hadn’t been given much choice besides complying and pushing through conversations.

And it wasn’t all that serious. He wasn’t weak to alcohol in general. And he had read multiple studies on the health benefits that the right dosage of red wine could bring. He was sure he would be fine.

His suit felt slightly suffocating, no matter how much he tried to change that, and he was starting to break a sweat from frustration alone when a firm hand pressed into his back. Jumin’s eyes were more drawn to Jaehee’s discomfort melting away rather than the owner of the warm touch, knowing full well who was standing next to him.

\- I thought you had gone home already – the business man mentioned, still stubbornly tugging at his sleeves.

\- I never leave until the party is over – the smile was clear in V’s voice, and as he moved his head to stare at him, Jumin could confirm his suspicions. – And I couldn’t let you torture Jaehee for much longer.

The woman in question seemed grateful for such a gesture, holding back a smile, and something tickled across the tipsy man’s chest, which he quickly tried to suppress through the haze of his intoxication.

\- Assistant Kang is simply doing what I hired her for. She knows full well what my expectations are – he spit out, some anger mingling with his words. – And if she can’t handle them, she knows what to do.

His body was bringing him forward, away from V’s comforting touch, and he tried to ignore how much he missed it already. He only needed to go home and fall asleep with Elizabeth the third in his arms. Nothing else could soothe him quite like his little white cloud of beautiful softness.

There were steps following his lead, more than one pair of them actually, but his ears tuned out, his mind’s only goal now being petting his precious cat and possibly crash down in his bed.

He was outside the building before he knew it, the cool night air slowly entering his lungs as he noticed Driver Kim already waiting for him, obediently opening the car door so he could enter after making his way down the small step of stairs. However, for some unknown reason, Jumin stopped walking, staring down at his feet, which confused most people that were still present, but that simple miscalculation bought V enough time to reach him, holding into his arm as his cane finally bumped into the other’s ankle.

\- You have no sympathy for your blind friend, do you?

His tone was clearly playful, despite the light panting and the sunglasses slipping down his nose, but the CEO in line was still somewhat dizzy, staring at the flight of stairs like he would fall down from them if he took a step further, his tongue tying into a knot when he tried to reply to V.

Jihyun gave him a moment, trying not to laugh at his tipsiness, and as Jumin seemed to reboot, his feet sounding dangerously confident in their task, the blind man obediently followed suit, carefully letting the ball of his cane fall off the edge of the step before he risked taking the next stride.

Halfway down, maybe being a bit too cautious about falling, Jihyun heard polished shoes coming closer, followed by a hand grabbing his waist firmly, and even through his poor vision, he caught a glimpse of Jumin’s silent tenderness. Or, well, what he wanted to see as tenderness, in his secure hold on him. Accepting the help nonetheless, he let his heart swim in comfort as his friend guided him to the car, aiding him onto the back before he climbed in too.

\- Where to, sir? – the driver spoke from the front seat, closing the door and making sure all the exits were locked before starting the engine.

\- My pent house. No stops.

Jumin relaxed back against the seat, crossing his legs and resting his intertwined hands in his knee as the wheels brought them forward. He was aware of Assistant Kang watching them leave, and of Jihyun waving in her general direction, a small smile to match his intentions, and the objective man didn’t stop the soothing calm from tweaking the corners of his lips up. He wasn’t going to deny that his friend was cute when he was happy, which didn’t happen very often, so he was going to savor this moment while it lasted. 

The ride home was peacefully quiet, not one bit unpleasant. The streets were empty due to the late hours, very few other people in sight, so the car drifted calmly on his way to its destination without many predicaments. Silence usually brought a tinge of loneliness with it, something Jumin hated to acknowledge on most days, but the lack of any noise or commotion to break it was also an extremely rare occurrence, so it was something easy to suppress.

Although, for some unreasonable reason, silence felt like home around Jihyun.

The moments where they were together were even more scarce, and farther apart, as the years went by, and Jumin would like to believe that he hadn’t notice the distance that had started to creep in between the cracks of their friendship. On clear days, simply looking at the sky made him think on the many whys possible.

He knew V liked to travel, to explore the world and see it before he lost his sight completely, but as much as he tried to understand it, Jumin couldn’t fully comprehend.

Both of their families were rich. If he ever needed a favor, a wish, _something_ , he was there to support him and aid him in any way humanly imaginable, but his thickheaded friend was the most stubborn person he had ever met.

The car came to a stop, shaking him out of his thoughts. Driver Kim left his seat and walked around to help V, and Jumin sighed as a small dark ball of jealously uncomfortably nuzzled under his heart, his eyes hopelessly flickering to Jihyun’s embarrassed features every so often as he carefully climbed off his seat.

The business man still waited for his friend to reach him once he set foot onto the entrance, his arms crossed over his chest impatiently as his cane bumped against the pavement, the rhythmic echoes doing little to distract him. Jumin held him by the arm as soon as he stepped into the building, not so much because he was being a nuisance, but because he was being _friendly_ with other people besides him.

As dense as he was, the blind man could only chuckle under his breath, finally unwinding and looking in his general direction once they stepped into the elevator destined to the last floor, the metal doors closing them in with a soft pling.

\- For someone that has had a couple of drinks already, you’re acting pretty composed.

He sounded amused. Almost too amused.

\- Your point being? You’re familiar with my alcohol resistance.

\- It’s exactly because I’m familiar with it that I think you’re acting weird. You’re usually more... talkative.

Jumin stared at him, ignoring how the elevator was bringing them upwards.

\- I still don’t understand what you’re going for.

Jihyun sighed and shook his head, like he was disappointed in his slowness, and as he was about to speak, they were presented with their destination, the doors opening before them. Polished heels clicked against the marbled floor, not giving V much time to collect himself, but his feet brought him forward anyways, following after Jumin almost on instinct.

\- Well, I like it when you drunkenly ramble about things. You could start with explaining why you decided to bring me here.

He didn’t sound necessarily upset, the tone of his innocent curiosity cut off by the soft metallic noises of a door being unlocked, and then distant happy mewls of a cat, but if he had to be honest, Jumin wasn’t totally sure either. As he walked inside of his apartment to go find Elizabeth, he wondered to himself why he hadn’t specified to the driver that he should take his friend home after fulfilling his duties. It was something that had been on his mind when he had stepped into the car, but it had vanished from his memory without a trace.

\- We haven’t spent much time together in the last few weeks – the business man settled for an answer, standing in the middle of his house before turning around to check if V was following him. – No other reason that I can think of.

Jihyun hummed from the doorway, seemingly hesitating if he should come inside or not, and just as Jumin was about to comment on that, his blind friend took a step forward, leaving his cane at the entrance before gently closing the door. He knew this place with the back of his hand, after all.

\- ‘min is needy, I see.

Now that they were in their own little world, the front door acting as a barrier encapsulating them from the outside, the CEO in line almost wished he’d be more drunk, as an excuse to justify the light blush that tainted his cheeks. Not that V could see his reactions, but the other knew very well what he was doing when he decided to use such a flirting tone, he would say.

\- I won’t hesitate to kick you out if you don’t behave.

Jihyun laughed at his grumpiness, stepping closer, and something pleasantly smooth brushed against his pants, his poor vision only making out the outstanding white of Elizabeth’s fur. Happily kneeling down to brush the hairs on her back, V smiled warmly at the cat, silently thanking the animal for keeping Jumin company when he couldn’t be there for him.

He could feel eyes on him, and not being sure if they were Elizabeth’s or Jumin’s, the blind man settled on gently picking up the fluff cloud, coddling her in his arms as she purred softly at his affections.

\- It’s still pretty early – V commented, stepping closer to the poor outline of his friend as he rested his sunglasses on the top of his head. – We could drink for real, like old times.

The feather light weight in his arms was being deliberately lifted, with little to no struggle, and Jihyun could vaguely see how Jumin was handling Elizabeth, adjusting her against his chest; pondering his options as he petted her small head.

\- It isn’t a bad idea.

Jumin led them to the living room, gently setting his princess on her spot on the couch as he went to look for a good wine to share with V. An old, dusty bottle made its way into his hands, something he barely recalled the name, the year or the place it came from. The only distinct characteristic about it was that his friend had mentioned offhandedly once that the way the liquid flew down his throat felt nice. Maybe Jihyun had muttered Rika’s name the last time they drank this, and recalling that made Jumin hold the delicate wine glasses with a bit too much strength, as he reached for them, but as long as they didn’t break, it should be fine.

His blind friend waited for him like a loyal puppy, his ears picking out the noises of Jumin’s steps coming in his direction, and he tried to stay still on his spot as he proceeded to rest the glasses on the little table in front of the couch, opening the wine with a loud pop.

They tasted their drinks in silence for a long while, Elizabeth contently drifting to sleep next to her owner, and Jumin was the one to break the quiet like usual, speaking with that warm, relaxed voice that only came to him when he had enough alcohol in him.

\- Remember that one time, when we were playing, and it started raining?

The description of the event was vague enough that it could fit a handful of scenarios, but Jihyun nodded politely, waiting for him to clarify like he always did.

\- It was a summer day – Jumin mumbled thoughtfully, his eyes staring at his own reflection in the wine. – Your mom had warned us to not go too far, because the weather forecast had a small percentage of storms happening.

He took a small, steady sip before continuing, and V couldn’t help but stare, admire and remember how he always drank his wine, how even the breaks to clean his throat seemed to have frozen in time, unchanging. That brought him a familiar sense of comfort that he only found around Jumin.

\- You didn’t listen to her like usual. It started pouring with no warning.

Jihyun grabbed at his glass more firmly for a split second, Jumin realized out of the corner of his eye, and nodded a bit too hurriedly.

\- Yes, I remember.

Weird, he didn’t seem that drunk to be drifting off just yet.

\- Your mom looked horrified when he saw me soaking wet – he continued, even if his friend had just told him he remembered how it went. – She... she kindly gave me a change of clothes. Your clothes.

That tone had been much different than usual. The way he rolled his words in warmth, contrasted against the common nostalgia that accompanied them... Jihyun’s heart skipped a bit as he realized why that affected him so much. Yes, Jumin generally looked and acted more vulnerable around him, and maybe it was the wine in his veins, but the day he was retelling was much more important than his friend seemed to realize.

After they had dried their hair, throwing the blame back and forth for being wet from the rain, Jumin had changed into his fresh clothes with no hesitation. Jihyun almost dropped his towel as his eyes widened, his small heart burning up in his chest. He knows ‘min had mumbled something, not necessarily a complaint about the clothes, but even if it was, the boy still dripping rain water couldn’t care less, knowing something had changed in how he viewed his friend as he soaked up the carpet.

\- Did I ever return those?

Jihyun jumped out of his skin, being shaken from his thoughts as the deep voice was directed his way. His then tense posture and skittish behavior weren’t ignored by Jumin, but he didn’t necessarily mind it, promptly brushing off his weird reactions. It was obvious that the haze of the intoxication was getting to him, having a much farther head start than Jihyun’s, but he knew how to control himself, what was left of his wine only serving as a visual distraction.

\- No, I don’t think so – the blind man finally replied, once he trusted his voice to stay steady. – But it’s okay. Because-

\- Because “they look better on you”.

Having his own words being thrown back at him, followed by the sharp, serious gaze Jumin directed his way lit his stomach on fire. Biting his lip helped him break the uncomfortable eye contact, his thoughts going a mile a minute, and he settled on letting go of his wine completely, shakily resting his cup on the table. Attentively watching his movements, Jumin followed suit, also abandoning his drink, and before he noticed, Jihyun was moving on his own, shifting closer to him.

The business man didn’t mind the approach, silently acknowledging it, and brought his hand forward to rest on the other’s shoulder. It was around this time that Jihyun would open up as well, even cry on occasion, and Jumin liked to believe he had learned how to deal with that emotional reaction as the years passed.

Instead, Jihyun remained in silence, unmoving, and the business man was too drunk to clearly pinpoint exactly how long it took for his friend to open his mouth to speak. The determination slowly overcame his features as he turned to Jumin, and the curiosity shined bright in his serious eyes when he noticed the slight smudge of anxiety present, as he waited to hear what V had to say.

His faded teal gaze fixated on the other’s touch still resting on his shoulder, before reaching for it, and holding Jumin’s hand in both of his seemed to surprise his friend, almost as if he could sense the warmth that spread intimately through him. It was too much, but not quite, the easy and effortless way it consumed his every move and thought.

Just like he felt when he met Rika.

\- I’m.... – Jihyun started, and too soon, his bravery run out, leaving only a cold pool of stress in his chest. – Maybe I should go. It’s getting late.

The alcohol delayed his movements a bit more than what he had predicted, so when his blind friend let go of his hand, his body didn’t react to his will until Jihyun was already standing in front of him, a pessimistic, disappointed posture weighting down on his shoulders. It felt out of place against their previously relaxed atmosphere, and the backlash made Jumin itch all over.

\- You’re drunk. I’m not letting you leave like this – he mumbled firmly, surprisingly more coherent than what he had expected, and V didn’t even gave him the pleasure of looking his way, his eyes gluded on the floor.

His hands ached to reach for the other, to grab at that awfully faded jacket he always wore, to hold his hand again, but his arms felt heavy, and his presence was too far away.

\- I have a guest room. There should be no problem with using it for tonight.

Thankfully, his feet brought him forward, slightly wobbly, and his friend seemed to like that option a bit better, even if he still appeared hesitant.

\- I... appreciate your kindness but-

\- But what? – Jumin refused to let him finish, annoyance quickly clasping at his heart. – I refuse to let you leave this place until you sober up, and by then, it will be the early hours of the morning.

The silence stretched out, and Jihyun truly let his stubbornness shine through by not giving him an answer, his bottom lip slipping between his teeth as he avoided looking at him. Jumin wasn’t known for being the most patient person, even if he usually made an exception for V, used to how fragile and sensitive he would get at times, but this was the last straw. They hadn’t seen each other in person in over 6 months and the other was once again pushing him away at the slightest opening. Jumin was having none of it.

Before he realized it, he was grabbing onto his arms with a bit more strength than necessary, Jihyun’s wide eyes finally staring at his own through the dark lenses of his sunglasses, and the words were pouring from his mouth in a desperate attempt to make him stay.

\- What do you keep hiding from me?!

\- Jumin, I’m-

\- You have absolutely no reason to act like this – his grip of V was getting tighter, but he wasn’t aware of it. – Aren’t we friends? For how long- Do I mean nothing to you??

Jihyun seemed more frustrated than surprised now, his hands frozen in the air between them as he tried to think about the best way to go at this. Jumin wasn’t this emotional on a daily basis, so he must have snapped once and for all, the wine probably not helping him on holding back his feelings. Guilt over being the indirect causer of such reactions only made V more self-deprecating, the faulty logic running through his mind only giving him one solution to this. Jumin wasn’t listening or letting go of him any time soon, and he couldn’t lie to him when he kept being cut short, so the despair spiraled down faster than he expected, making it hard to conceal his expressions.

\- Please calm down – he weakly spoke up anyways, and his heart burned as the business man took a step closer, pushing him forward to meet him in the middle.

\- I will not – Jumin replied, his tone of voice more controlled despite his denial. – I refuse to until you give me a valid reason to not take the offer that I’m giving you.

His brain felt like mush as his thoughts melted into nothing. Jihyun had a reason, an urgent, miserably confusing reason, but he couldn’t bring himself to burden his only friend with the weight of it. Not only was he himself not ready for another relationship after sharing his life with Rika, the damage it brought to his person being much less metaphorical than on first appearance, V also wasn’t sure if Jumin saw him as more than a friend. If he saw any men as more than a possible friend, really. He had no clear interest in women, but that didn’t necessarily mean he pretended to spend his life with a man.

Trapped inside of his mind, Jihyun forgot to give him an answer, and Jumin took that as silent resistance, as refusal to let him into his life. It was too goddamn late and he was too tired to deal with this. The defeated sigh that escaped past Jumin’s lips, along with his retreating touch, brought the other back to the present, and the guilt only doubled as he could sense his friend’s pointed disappointment in him, not needing to see his face to take that as a fact.

What he didn’t expect was that Jumin would come closer, enveloping him the warmest hug he had received in years. He barely heard what the other had to say from how loudly his heart was beating, and Jihyun desperately returned his affections before he accidentally forgot to.

\- Please stay.

And he wasn’t sure what about his tone made his soul ache quite like this, but before he knew it, he was clinging to Jumin like they’d die tomorrow, dropping his head on his shoulder as he soaked in this once in a lifetime chance. The CEO in line didn’t seem to mind it, slowly relaxing into what he had initiated, and the familiar bliss that came with drinking seemed to be progressively flushing out of his system as they hugged, staying connected for God knows how long.

Elizabeth the third was still sleeping, her beautiful paws tucked under her body as her tail stayed wrapped around herself. She resembled the cutest piece of loaf Jumin was ever lucky enough to witness. Just seeing her like this was enough to free his mind from worries, and once he was content enough with this show of weakness, his hold on V loosened up, only to have the other trap him between his arms.

He instinctively frowned down at him, the lack of any voiced replies concerning him slightly, and he watched with wide eyes as one of Jihyun’s hands came to rest on his cheek, patiently tracing his jaw with his fingertips, the other keeping him firmly in place. Not that Jumin minded the curious touches, even if they were unfamiliar to him, but there seemed to be an underlying meaning behind them, and surely it couldn’t be just platonic.

\- Are you sure you want me to stay? – V finally spoke up, a weird, heated intention laced around his words. – _We_ are both drunk. I _will_ end up doing something that you’ll regret.

Jumin held his gaze, even if the other couldn’t technically see it, and a playful smile tickled across his lip, his intentions dripping into his voice.

\- What could a weakling like you do to me that I would regret?

The blood rushed to his ears, all of his fantasies coming to him in a flash. The tension in his body was quickly building up, the rational part of him holding him back from doing something stupid, but Jihyun was selfish and just drunk enough to take that leap of faith, saving the sorrow for after the fact.

Cupping his cheek, and assertive look in place, V stood on the tips of his toes, capturing the intense feeling being thrown his way as their mouths connected a bit clumsily, not quite finding his lips at a good angle on the first go. He had expected for his heart to explode when this finally happened, knowing that the shame built throughout the years and the nerves would most likely make him freak out at such a possibility, but instead, time just seemed to stop, a new sense of comfort embracing him. His chest felt light as his lips fitted into Jumin’s, putting just enough pressure to be felt, and despite the fact that the little ball of hope in his chest was begging for his friend to reciprocate his feelings, the moment he kissed him back never came.

Thick black goo wrapped all around his chest, suffocating the light he had felt mere seconds ago, and it was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown at his head, his eyes watering up as his emotions quickly clashed and stormed against each other inside of his stomach.

\- S-Something like that – he let out weakly, retreating his already trembling hands away from him, the alcohol finally feeling like it was getting to his head.

Jumin... was more than confused, you could say. Once again, he hadn’t mind this new progress in their relationship, which he assumed was about to turn romantic, but never in his wildest dreams could he imagine V would ever kiss him. And so softly too. His lips were still warm and tingly, definitely appreciating the pleasant surprise, but the bewilderment had stopped him from returning the gesture, and Jihyun seemed to be freaking out because of his inhibitions.

Holding him just like his friend had, his eyes snapped to look at Jumin’s as his pale cheeks regained some of its color.

\- You are so very wrong.

His thumb brushed against his skin in what he hoped was a comforting gesture, but they must have analyzed their situation differently, because the closeness that only brought Jumin reassurance sparked a much more drastic reaction in V, his skittish blind eyes avoiding his direct eye contact as he shifted his weight incessantly from one foot to the other. It puzzled him greatly, because why would Jihyun be nervous _now_ , after being the one to initiate this new step forward into their relationship, but then again, most romantic related things confused him.

Settling on a more direct approach, Jumin leaned down and did what he should have done before, shutting all coherent thoughts running through Jihyun’s head as he captured his lips on his own. He mimicked what the other had done, having basically little to no experience on a practical level, and V seemed to like that, his hands flying around his body to grasp at the back of his suit.

He was comfortable just like this, his heart feeding off this moment like he had all the time in the world to appreciate it, but before he noticed it, Jihyun became more impatient, his hold tightening to bring them closer together, as a soft and wet pressure brushed across his lips.

Something close to panic squeezed at his heart, a disgusting feeling taking hold of his stomach, and both of them panted quietly as the overwhelming combination forced them apart, confusion spreading across Jihyun’s features.

\- You sound scared – he said before he could really think on his words, and mild bewilderment weighted down on Jumin’s thoughts.

\- I’m... fine.

And for the first time since Rika had hurt his eyes, V desperately wished she hadn’t, taking anything that could bring his vision back just to see what kind of expression his love was making. He didn’t understand what he had done wrong, since Jumin seemed to have been into this just a few seconds ago, and if he had truly hurt him, he knew full well that the other would have kicked him out of the house by now.

This stand still was driving him absolutely mad.

The air felt heavy, and for once in his life, Jumin was considering just how much his thoughts and emotions were valid, in comparison to Jihyun’s. He wasn’t stupid. He had watched his fair share of romance movies when he had the chance, and was equally forced to witness the sickening entranced look his father threw at his new spouse of the month, and to the objective man, love appeared to be the balanced mixture of warm, gross enrapture and a strong, wildering sexual attraction. He had never truly understood the second half.

It always seemed like something foreign to him, like someone had forgotten to teach him how to feel something of the sort, but from his harsh understanding, that sensation happened naturally, when you were presented with a person that, fitted your desires?? He couldn’t really wrap his head around how it came about.

But if that was the case, then... Jihyun _should_ fit that description. All of these years, he had been the only person he had ever trusted with his true thoughts and visions of the world, he was the only one that saw him for what he was; not some rich heir to his father’s company. And yet, that unknown feeling... hadn’t sparked inside of him. He had been sure he had loved Jihyun, he truly didn’t resent kissing him, but the second half of the equation hadn’t manifested, and it almost like, something was missing.

\- I... told you that you would regret it – Jihyun voiced in bitter irony, not sure where to put his hands. – I respect your boundaries. I uhm, I shouldn’t have initiated something when-

\- For once just – he sounded almost pained as he pinched the bridge of his nose, the overwhelming sense of failure quickly climbing over his chest and up his throat. – Shut up.

His friend- partner- whatever they were supposed to be now bit his lip to contain his words, the lamentable wrinkles under his eyes stabbing another knife through Jumin’s frantic heart, and he had barely noticed when the soothing calm had boiled into spiked distress. It was almost hard to breath from how fast it was beating against his ribcage.

\- I’m sorry – Jumin started, allowing himself some vulnerability by dropping his forehead on Jihyun’s shoulder, but he wasn’t sure why he had apologized in the first place.

There were words left unsaid echoing in the space around them, but the confused business man wasn’t sure how to speak them, or in what order, so he kept his lips zipped up, the pressure of sustaining them contained in his chest adding to the stress of the situation.

Almost like the other could sense his frustrations, Jihyun’s touch came up to comfort him, gently petting his hair, and the gesture magically dissipated some of the burden he suddenly had to carry over his secret realizations.

\- It’s okay – he whispered softly, staring at the nearest wall, and somehow managed to hold back a sigh. – Like I said, I went too far. I’ll be happy with just cuddling for the rest of the night, if you prefer that.

The thoughts were spiraling around in his head, and a headache was slowly forming from it, but he tried to put a stop to them by focusing on the calm that his voice brought to him, on the warmth emanating from him as his arms found his way around his torso. All of his doubts and mistakes could be discussed when the morning came, over breakfast and a cup of coffee, so he didn’t need to rush it. Jihyun was still here. He wasn’t going to leave.

\- Yes, that would be lovely.

**Author's Note:**

> ///English is not my first language and that really shows when I get upset, so you really dont have to read this and Im sorry if I come off the wrong way, I got genuinely offended by way too many different people so Im venting///
> 
> When I was researching for this fic (yes I do that to write them in character), very few people had the same hc as me, which is completely valid. What is not valid was that, those same few people voicing how they saw themselves in Jumin, because of certain characteristics of his character, were 10 times out of 10, completely freaking shamed for their identity because "dont be silly, jumin is completely enfatuated with zen and prolly fucking him in his office when no one is looking" (you think im making this up, but I saw a sentence like that with my own two eyes).  
> I wont accept any acephobia in my comments. Im not pushing my hc onto you, so dont push your oversexualized ideas of a character onto me just because you thirst over him, when someone is telling you basically that they view them in an oposite way.  
> It is canon that he has no interest in women, and when 707 teases him about being gay, he looks extremelly uncomfortable.  
> 1) yes, he has trauma surrounding women, but that doesnt stop him from feeling attracted to them. No allo person can control that. However, he never expresses that he feels anything sexual thowards women in the first place, not even MC. He feels possessive over her, if anything, once he starts viewing her romantically and has his feelings reciprocated.  
> 2) just because a character doesnt feel atracted to one gender, doesnt mean that they will be attracted to the other, automatically (and ignoring the fact that there are more than two genders). Jumin doesnt seem homophobic, and the option of internalized homophobia is always on the table, but just the same as women, he never explicitely showed any interest in men either, romantically or otherwise. He bonded with zen in zen's route cuz he wanted to overall apologize for being unfair to him, and got slightly too prideful when zen rejected his offer the first time around and was outright rude to Jumin. It was a clash of two different worlds, and Jumin, despite denying it, sees the potential zen has, and doesnt voice it because zen on the surface seems narcissistic. (i can see why people ship them tho)  
> How do you call someone that doesnt feel atracted to anyone? Yep, you guessed it. Asexual. So dont screw with me and say that he's just a gay in denial because you prefer that over admiting that ace people exist. Just respect people's hcs.
> 
> Dearly, your non-local ace writer


End file.
